Great pain...defeated.
Today , i just got to have a glimpse of the report book results. The results were dreadful. I was shock to see the fall in my grades. This had furthermore inflicted a deep scar in my memory. What happened to all my hard work I had put in? It all seemed useless. Yesterday , we went up to the hall to receive our results. Everyone was so anxious and nervous. Fear welled up in my mind. I kept thinking I would fail my papers. But no matter what , I told myself I had already done my best. But soon , that conviction vanished as I began to reflect on my performance in the examination. I kept replaying the examination in my mind and seeing the mistakes in full exaggerated glory. At this point of time , I was tormented by despair and regret. There were times when I was more positive and felt that I had actually performed creditably. I would think of the right answers I had given. But of course , this did not last long as my darker moods would move to eclipse these happier moments and I would plunge once more into hopelessness. These flunctuations certainly kept me occupied. When I received my papers , my results totally shattered my heart. I certainly did not have the motivation to carry on. After all the effort I put in , it did not seem to show any signs of improvement. Especially my chemistry. Total 'goner'. Only got 60 for the paper. One of my favourite subjects had now been ripped into shreds. I think I would not want to elaborate on the others as it will only bring back painful memories to my mind. The results shook my mentality. I wanted to jump off the building but did not attempt it. I received counciling from my ex teacher , mr terence tay. He helped me to catch hold of myself as well as to make me think I should not give up. I felt my wounds healing. He is a great teacher who inspires me to aim higher and to go the extra mile. I would definitely not let him down. Even if I did not clinch a good position in class or did not perform well,it does not matter to me now. What is more important now is to stay focus on the route I aim as well as to continue to study. This holiday,I drew up a holiday timetable to manage the different subjects. I planned to study with a group of friends this coming holiday. This december is the time for me and my friends to mug and strive towards success.We will try our best to help each other and brush up on our weaker areas. By next year , we should be ready to face a new and difficult terrain.To all friends out there: Do not give up. Do not let such a small exam like this make you feel like giving up. Look on the bright side. There is still the o-levels ahead and it is the most important examination in the entire secondary life. It is not worth to give up now. There is always hope. Never let anyone tell you that you cannot acheive the best. Always follow your dream.
Labels: Moving from agony to normal.
posted by Cedric @ 4:15 PM
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